r.stevie moore librarian <<


PHONEY // NT123 1973-74 C100/2CD


(a play of wrong numbers)
telephone fun

Is Don there?


with VLovera RFergs JLynn JScott & Louis Ghem





Act
1
RICK: Hello?
LEROY: Yes, is Don there?
RICK: Who?
LEROY: Don!
RICK: (pause) No...
LEROY: Dyu...could you tell me where he might be located?
RICK: Naw, I don't really have any idea.
LEROY: You don't have his number?
RICK: Naw.


Act
2
JOHNA: Virginia!
VIRGINIA: What?
GGIB: Who's there? You said...was that somebody there?
VA: Who's saying my name?
STEVE: Virginia?
VA: Steve and Johna?
STEVE: Johna?
VA: Yeh, but I heard Steve saying my name too...am I that wanted over there? Will somebody come get me! Ergh heh heugh hah.
GGIB: Look, uh...ahem, I'll be honest with you.
VA: Please.
GGIB: We're gonna be there in like twenty minutes anyway.
VA: Yeah, alright. Cool.
GGIB: Ya dig?
STEVE: So you're not going to kill your SELF.
VA: What do you mean, kill myself? I wasn't even thinking of it.
GGIB: Coughs.
VA: I'm not that selfish. What is all that feedback? It hurts.
PETE: Well, I'm sorry.
JOHNA: Virginia!
VA: What?
GGIB: Someone just knocked on the door.
STEVE: Haa hu.
GGIB: So.
VA: Ha.
STEVE: Haa hu!
VA: Will you tell him to quit yelling at me!
GGIB: Heh.
STEVE: You tell him yourself.
PETE: Haawwww.
GGIB: Ha.
VA: Steve, quit yelling at me!
PETE: Oyo.
JOHNA: I'm not even here manyydya drau dzadaa? Virginia?
VA: What? Ha ha ha (historical laughter)
PETE: Virginia!
GGIB: Remember, you called US. Okay?
VA: Right.
GGIB: Remember that.
VA: Right.
GGIB: Okay, now here's the thing. If the phone rings twice, don't answer it. Ka that's, that's after you hang up––if it rings three times, answer it, but don't say anything.
VA: Okay.
GGIB: If it rings three times.
VA: Alright, then when do I say something? When it rings four times?
GGIB: If it rings. If it rings four times, right? If it rings four times, then it's not gonna ring.
VA: Okay, I'll remember that.
GGIB: See so no, answer it. Answer it after the fifth time.
VA: Answer it on, okay.
GGIB: No, because laughter is contagious.
STEVE: Cough.
VA: I'm getting all this, believe it or not.
GGIB: And people, and uh, y'know, people like to hear you laugh.
PETE: So laugh!
VA: Ah ha ha ha.
PETE: Great.
GGIB: Waitaminnit. Yeah, that was it.


Act
3
Grandmother: Hello?
IZZ: Are you living or not?
GRAMMA: Yes I am.
IZZ: Izz it nice?
GRAMMA: Oh?
IZZ: Huh?
GRAMMA: Gremta, who is this?
IZZ: Izz.
GRAMMA: Say something else.
MOSS: This. This is Moss Terranium.
GRAMMA: What!?
MOSS: Moss Terranium. We're asking some Qualified Opinion Surveys about the quality of the Standard of Life in America's middle class bourgeois, bourgeois, abourgeois.
GRAMMA: Yeah, somebody's playin jokes.
MOSS: Bourgeois.
GRAMMA: Yeah, I don't get it.
MOSS: You don't understand the bourgeois?
GRAMMA: No, I don't.
MOSS: Boozch.
GRAMMA: Don't understand the boozcherwah atoll.
MOSS: Well, do you like being, like being who you are?
GRAMMA: I dunno, who is this?
MOSS: This is Bobo.
GRAMMA: Bobo?


Act
4
LITTLE QUARTZ as LOUIS GHEM: Hello, is Mike Portugal there?
DAN: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
LQ: Wait a minute. He gave me this number to call. And he said that you owed him some money. Now what the ghhhay you gonna do about it?
DAN: Hold on just a moment. (goes off to quickly lube car)
LQ: Okay.
DAN: (returns) Alright, come across with that one more time now.
LQ: Hello, this is Louis Ghem.
DAN: Who?
LQ: I need to contact Mike Portugal.
DAN: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
LQ: About, about, about, about, about, about alone. Um oh, somebody's got to help me there! I-I need some help. (giggles)
DAN: You sure do need some he...
VIRGINIA: Ha ho ho ho ho.


Act
5
CARL SAX REPETITIVE: Can I help you? Uh, this is Carl Sax Repetitive for NBC, uh could you tell me how many television sets you're watching, please?
NELLE: Uh, one.
CARL: One television set. Uh, what make is your television set, please?
NELLE: Now who is this calling?
CARL: This is Carl Sax Repetitive of NBC, uh can I help you? How many television sets are you watching?
NELLE: No, you can't help me. I'm sorry.


Act
6
SPACIA: Hello?
BOBBY MOORE: Hello, is uh, is Leroy there?
SPACIA: Leroy?
BOBBY: Leroy?
SPACIA: Who?
BOBBY: Yeah, this is Bobby Moore, uh someone told me that Leroy lived there and, uh this is WNEW radio.
SPACIA: Uh, no you've got.
BOBBY: W.
SPACIA: I think.
BOBBY: Alright, well, answer me this.
SPACIA: Uh umm?
BOBBY: Wl Bobby Moore and the Rhythm Aces. Was, uh, he ever there?
SPACIA: No, he wasn't.
BOBBY: Now this, this may sound a little strange. But uh, he used to work with the phone company.
SPACIA: Uh hmm.
BOBBY: And he put in about two or three phones, and uh, the televisions were on, at that house? Y'know?
SPACIA: Uh hmm.
BOBBY: And he lived there. He had no phones, no televisions. But he did have a show. That's, that's why I'm calling. WNEW radio and television. Now, if you can ask us one question correctly, you'll win thirty dollars. Okay? Now, you ready for the question?
SPACIA: Uh hmm.
BOBBY: Kay? Okay, Bobby Moore and the Rhythm Aces put out an album on Checker label. What was the name of the title song? For $30.oo.
SPACIA: Heh heh. Name of the tattle song?
BOBBY: Uh hmm. Name of the song, and you can win the prize.
SPACIA: I don't. What's the name again? Bobby Moore?
BOBBY: Bobby Moore and the Rhythm Aces put out and album on Checker. What was the name of the title song?
SPACIA: Uh, I don't know. I.
BOBBY: I don't, I don't know. That's the name of the song.
SPACIA: Huh?


Act
7
VEIT: Hullo.
MORT: Is Raymond around?
VEIT: Who.
MORT: Raymond.
VEIT: No.
MORT: Is Veit there?
VEIT: Yeah.
MORT: Would you put him on, please?
VEIT: This is he.
MORT: Do you know where Raymond is?
VEIT: No.


Act
8
SIR PEACH: I say, is Don there?
RICK: Who is this??
SIR PEACH: Is Don there? I say, could I speak with Don? This is Don's residence?
RICK: You must have the wrong number or sumpin.
SIR PEACH: Is, isn't this Don's residence?
RICK: (peeved) Awwwwww...


Act
9
ELIZABETH: Hello?
SIGNAL: Ping!
ELIZABETH: Hello!?
SIGNAL: Ping!


Act
10
MARRIE: Hello?
JAMES: Is Sherry in?
MARRIE: Hello?
JAMES: Uh yes, is this the Keece Keith residence?
MARRIE: Yes it is.
JAMES: Is Sherry in please?
MARRIE: Sharrie?
JAMES: Yes.
MARRIE: She's married. She's away from home.
JAMES: How.
MARRIE: Beg your pardon?
JAMES: How?
MARRIE: Wh.
JAMES: She's she's what, what did you say? Married?
MARRIE: She doesn't live at home anymore.
JAMES: Uh, could you give me her other number, please?
MARRIE: Well, who's calling?
JAMES: Uh, this is a resident banker of hers, this is James Fornwurth.
MARRIE: It's who?
JAMES: James Fornwurth.
MARRIE: And who are you?
JAMES: I'm a resident banker of her.
MARRIE: A Resident Banker?
JAMES: Right, of her, of her account. Could you please help me and give me her number?? It's pretty important, y'know???
MARRIE: Well, I'd rather not, I'm sorry.


Act
11
ANN: Hello?
BENNY: Ann?
ANN: Hhhh?


Act
12
MR HALL: Hall's Service.
LOUIS GHEM: Hello is Mr Hall in?
HALL: C-talkeen.
LOUIS: Is Mr Haoul in?
HALL: He's talking.
LOUIS: This is Louis Ghem.
HALL: Beggaparn?
LOUIS: This is Louis Ghem.
HALL: Yessir.
LOUIS: This is concerning the article you had in your newspaper...
HALL: Uh hmm.
LOUIS: ...about the nude beef that you've been selling.
HALL: No, that's not tr not me.
LOUIS: That's not you??
HALL: No sir.
LOUIS: Oh, I'm sorry (bursts).


Act
13
RICK: Hello?
HALEY: Hello, is uh Don there? Excuse me, did did he leave you with his number?
JEFF: I believe you're queer, what dyou think?
HALEY: I said, did he leave you with his numbah? His name is Don...


Act
14
ANSWERING SERVICE: Hello?
CONSTANT: Lemme speak to Roger Ferguson, please.
ANSWERING SERVICE: What's up?
CONSTANT: I'm ready to go home.
SIR PEACH: Ello?
CONSTANT: Pick me up.
SIR PEACH: Okay.
CONSTANT: Bie.
SIR PEACH: Buy.


Act
15
JEFF: Hello?
LEROY: (disguised) Is Ricky there?
JEFF: Jess second.
RICK: Hello?
LEROY: (full force) Is Don there? I'd like to know, y'know.
RICK: (to Jeff) Who was it? Who is this?!
LEROY: Take a flaming guess!
RICK: A what?
LEROY: Take a flaming guess? Is Don there? I've heard he's in the Marines, is it true?
HALEY: (spoofing) You're queer! You're queer!
SIR PEACH: I say, is Don there? Hello, Ricky? Rick?
HALEY: Rick??


Act
16
JULIA: Hello?
TENOR: Uh yes, is this the Jay F. Meck residence?
JULIA: Uh yes, it is.
TENOR: Is Jay in, please?
JULIA: Yes, just a m.
JAY: Hullo?               Hullo?
TENOR: Uh, is this Mister Mick?
JAY: Yeah.                Hullo?
TENOR: Hhello?
JAY: Can I help you?


Act
17
BEATRICE: Haynes Pharmacy.
LOUIS: Uh, this is Louis Hayne. Uh, is Charles Hayne. Is Charles Hayne there?
BEA: Charles Hayne?
LOUIS: Yes, this is Aspirin Limited. Uh and weird we're doing an article on Mr Haynd and uh and his wife. May I speak to him please?
BEA: He isn't here, sir. Mr Haynes is on vacation.
LOUIS: Oh, I'M really sorry about that. Uh, well could you help me? Do you know anything about Mr Hayne? Are you familiar with uh the Hayne article in the newspaper?
BEA: No sir I'm not.
LOUIS: ...about about the aspirin? Uh, well he. He called me. And he was very upset.
BEA: Uh hmm.
LOUIS: And uh he didn't say much, y'know?
BEA: Uh hmm.
LOUIS: But he he did mention Mr Hayne and uh, he's not there, you say?
BEA: No sir, he is gone on vacation.
LOUIS: Oh.
BEA: I don't know when he'll be back. Whetherbee week, ten days, or what. So you would hafta talk to him, or...
LOUIS: Excuse me, does does he have dark hair?
BEA: Sir uh, are you sure you got the right one? What is that last name, H-A-Y-N-E-S?
LOUIS: Yes ma'am! I think that I have the right number.
BEA: Uh well. Now uh.
LOUIS: No, I'll explain. Like I've been up all night, y'know? And trying to get in touch with him. And he he doesn't seem to be around. Ever!
BEA: Hee hee. Well, he didn't work today at all. His vacation he started today. Now whether he'll be in in a day or two, I mean, sometimes he's in and out.
LOUIS: Okay now. When he finally does get back, tell him that Louis Ghem called.
BEA: Lemme write that down. Louis, is that L-O-U or L-E-W?
LOUIS: It's L-O. U.
BEA: UI. I-S?
LOUIS: Yes, that's right.
BEA: Okay.
LOUIS: Ghem.
BEA: H-A what?
LOUIS: G-H-E-M.
BEA: G-H-E-M?
LOUIS: This is very important. And tell him to call me immediately.
BEA: Wait a minute, now. Give me that last name again.
LOUIS: G. H. E. M.    Ghem. Now he knows the number.
BEA: G-H-E-M.
LOUIS: Yes ma'am. You're very kind, and.
BEA: Alrighty!
LOUIS: Thank you very much.
BEA: Uh hmm.


Act
18
JANE: Hello?
SOPHIE: Jane?
JANE: Yeah?
SOPHIE: This is Sophie.
JANE: Who?
SOPHIE: Sophie! Howv you been?
JANE: Fine.
SOPHIE: Is it. You weren't asleep, were you?
JANE: Huh?
SOPHIE: You weren't asleep, were you?
JANE: Yeah, but that's alright.
SOPHIE: I was hoping I didn't interrupt anything, y'know.
JANE: No. Uh uh.
SOPHIE: Howv you been?
JANE: Doin just fine. Howv you been?


Act
19
HARV: Hello?
MACK: Is Harvey there?
HARV: No.
MACK: Uh, when do you expect him, please?
HARV: Never.
MACK: Pardon? Is this Harvey Hertenstein's residence?
HARV: Why why do you want him?
MACK: He's nude.


Act
20
JT: Hello?
MIKE: Uh, yes, is J.T. Dennis in, please?
JT: Yes sir. That's right.
MIKE: Howv you been?
JT: Pretty good. Pretty good. I.
MIKE: I'm glad things are going well.
JT: Was there anythanything you uh wanted to
MIKE: Ugh, discuss, maybe?
JT: Well.
MIKE: I was wondering. Are you. Are you still employed by uh Madison High School?
JT: That's right. That's right.
MIKE: Yeh.
JT: No no. Listen I'm I I'm I'm not employed. I I wuh. Uh really what I thought youse fixin to ask me is I uh was uh uh the Mr Dennis that taught at Madison High School and I was. I been out uh two years now.
MIKE: Oh really?
JT: Yeah. So I really haven't. Uh it's just been here at Madison. Haven't been out anywhere.
MIKE: I see. Well, this is Mister Michael Pugh.
JT: Mike Pugh.
MIKE: Mike Pugh, right. And uh I'm a teacher up here now. Or at least uh before the summer came. I was just curious. Just how you've been, how your nuptials have been.
JT: Well, I fortunately I (BUZZ) uh ah (BUZZZ!) ability I I'm on retirement, but I had thirty-two years.
MIKE: Right. Did you enjoy your teaching?
JT: Oh sure. Sure. I had 32 years. Twenty twenty-six years in Davidson County and six years in Robertson.
MIKE: How long were you at Madison, sir?
JT: Oh, seventeen years.
MIKE: Seventeen! Quite impressive!


Act
21
MR PINS: Oon, Strike N' Spare Bowling Lanes.
CRAGE: Good evening! UH, one minute, please.
PINS: Yes sir.
CRAGE: Okay, I'm sorry. Uh, is line one open?
PINS: Is what, sir?
CRAGE: Is line lane line lane one open?
PINS: No sir, it's not.
CRAGE: Okay, uh, has anyone reported a missing bowling ball?
PINS: Uh heh heh.
CRAGE: Anywhere?
PINS: Uh, no sir, not not yet, they haven't.
CRAGE: Uh, how how's business?
PINS: Uh, well, it's purty good right now.
JOHN JOHN JOHN: Dung!


Act
22
RICK: Hello?
LEROY: Hello, is Don there?
RICK: Larry. Larreh?
LEROY: Hello, is Larry there?
RICK: (sigh) You're crazy!
LEROY: Wh-What are you doing?
RICK: Huh?
LEROY: I've been trying to reach. Don!
RICK: What are you doin?
LEROY: Simply trying to reach Don.
RICK: (Sigh)
LEROY: Are you asleep?
RICK: Yeah.
LEROY: Are you nude?
RICK: Ha heh naw. Just about. Aaawww. I've had insomnia all night long, I finally fell asleep, and you called.
LEROY: I'm just looking for Don!
RICK: Aaaaaawwwww. Well, I'll tell ya. I better go to sleep.
LEROY: There's no way for you to help me?
RICK: Nawwaaawwaw.
LEROY: Well, then is. Llet me see. I'd lo. Is there any way for you to get me with Sandy Brady?


Act
23
REEME: A-B-C Air Conditioner.
BANK VICE PRESIDENT: Huhho?
REEME: Hello?
VP: Is is Sol there?
REEME: Who?
VP: Sl. Is Sol there?
REEME: Who's Sol?
VP: Oh, you know as well as I do. Is Sol there? Who?
REEME: Yeah.
VP: Is he there?
REEME: No, uh uh.
VP: He gave me this number to call. He's.
REEME: Uh, you'll have to call back.
VP: He says uh he you owe him $100. Is this true?
REEME: Who?
VP: This is the bank! Do you owe Sol $100?
REEME: Who, me?
VP: Yeah, you!! Is Sol there or not? What kind of Crank is this???!
REEME: What?
BANK PRESIDENT: Sshh! Sssshh. Uh mm hello
REEME: Hello!?
PREZ: Is this Sol?
REEME: Uh what?
PREZ: Who is this?
REEME: Tucker ain't here yet.
PREZ: Okay, well I'll call back later.
REEME: Alright.


Act
24
TOOKS: Hello??
LEROY: Yes, is Charles there, please?
TOOKS: What?
LEROY: Is Charles there?
TOOKS: No, Chas isn't here.
LEROY: When do you expect him, please?
TOOKS: Oh, it'll be a long time. Cause I don't expect Charles, I expect Bill.
LEROY: Hello?


Act
25
ABNER: Hello?
JAMES FORNWURTH: Yes, I'd like to speak with George, please.
ABNER: Who?
JAMES: Hooo??!? George!!
ABNER: George who?


Act
26
OPERATOR: Erator, may I help you?
RODNEY: Uh yeah we. Would you uh check a number for me please?
O: What's wrong with the number, sir?
ROD: Uh, I think it's broken. Uh the number is 297-297. Huh.
O: 297-
ROD: 297. Yes.
O: You don't have enough numbers.
ROD: You're kidding.
O: You only have six. 297-297.
ROD: Y-you're kidding. Really?
O: Hee he hee.
ROD: Well, that's that's the number.
O: No, you need another number.
ROD: Uh, well, look!
O: Who are you calling?
DOTTIE: Ask her to look i tuh!
ROD: Well, would you please look it up for me, please?
O: Okay, who are you calling?
ROD: Uh, didnee hgh hghn. His name is Louis Ghem.
O: Louis what?
ROD: Ghem.
O: H-A-N-D?
ROD: C-H-E-M.
O: C-H-A-M.
ROD: E-M!         C'MON! The number is 297-297, do I have to sit here all night and wait for that number?
O: Sir, it's no such number as C-H, skuze me, 297-297.
ROD: Why not???
O: You don't have a num.
ROD: I call it all the time!
O: I'll let you speak with the super viser.


Act
27
INSPECTOR SIMPSON: Police Department.
ROBERT GHEM: Hello, is Lieutenant Ghem there?
SIMP: Who?
ROBERT: Lt. Ghem?
SIMP: Uh, I didn't catch that last name, now.
ROBERT: Oh I'm sorry. Uh, C-H-E-M.
SIMP: Uh, we don't have anyone here by that name.
ROBERT: Uh, could you check the files please, because uh, he's my uncle, and uh he works for your department.
SIMP: C-H-E-M?
ROBERT: Uh, yessir.
SIMP: Uh, he dudn't work for the Goodlettsville Police Department, I beg your pardon.
ROBERT: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, are you a Lieutenant, sir? Oh uh.
SIMP: Y'no. I'm Inspector Simpson of the Goodlettsville Police Dept. But now we don't have anybody by that name that works here.
ROBERT: Oh I see.
SIMP: You must be trying to get Metro Police Department.
ROBERT: No, no. I'm I'm pretty sure that he works there. Uh like I said, he's my uncle and uh the last time that I talked to him uh, he's he said that he worked there. He's a Lieutenant. You never heard of him?
SIMP: No. Not C-H-E-M.
ROBERT: Ghem, that's that's his name. Uh.
SIMP: Heun.
ROBERT: I I can't believe that you'd n-never heard of him.
SIMP: No, no. He's never he's never worked here.
ROBERT: Okay.
SIMP: Okay.
ROBERT: Well, thank you.
SIMP: Uh hmm.


Act
28
EO: Hello?
IZZ: Uh, is this Mr. Jenkins?
EO: Right.
IZZ: How?
EO: Howrya?
IZZ: You weren't sleeping, right?
EO: I was.
IZZ: Well, this is pretty important.
EO: Awright, what is it?
IZZ: Morris N. Jennette was fine $60 in 1849 for littering frogs. Do you remember?
EO: No.
IZZ: Well, that's whatcha git! Don't you think so? Do you understand?
EO: No.
IZZ: What does it take to convince you?
EO: About what?
IZZ: The fact that Morris N. Jennette was fined $50 in 1849.
EO: I don't know anything bout it.
IZZ: Pardon?
EO: I don't know anything about it.
IZZ: Uh, well, I would expect you to. Uh, are you into science as a career?
EO: No.
IZZ: W-what type of Science was it? I-I think. I think I think I might have the wrong number.
EO: You must have.
IZZ: Uh, w-there is another E.O. Jenkins listed, but he is in uh, it says it right here..."1415 Uranus".
EO: I dunno. You must think you're talkin to somebody else tho. Ferget it.
IZZ: Always.


Act
29
RUTH: Hello?
ETTA: Hello, is.


Act
30
PATTY: Hello?
LIGHTBULB EDDIE: H-hi is is Patti Estes in, please?
PATTY: Yes, this is Patti Estes.
EDDIE: This is she speaking?
PATTY: Uh hmm.
EDDIE: Howv ya bin.
PATTY: Ha heh fine. Howv you been?
EDDIE: I've been the best.
PATTY: Heh.
EDDIE: Why not uh why not have some fun and take a wild guess?
PATTY: Do what?
EDDIE: Why not have a little fun and take a wild guess who's calling you at this time?
PATTY: Ahhh. Lessee. Can you give me a hint?
EDDIE: The voice isn't familiar?
PATTY: Heh ha. Not that voice.
EDDIE: Does it sound a little Phoney?
PATTY: Hmmm little phoney?
EDDIE: There's no way you can guess, right?
PATTY: Now, wait a minute, you're changing accents on me. Stick to one and maybe I can guess. (pause) You're not gonna talk anymore???
EDDIE: Sure sure. Ize was just hoping you'd guess, y'know.
PATTY: (sensuousigh)
EDDIE: I'm really glad to see you in a jovial mood, because I been calling lots of my old friends and they've been turning away.
PATTY: Ohhh!
EDDIE: Because I've scared them or something.
PATTY: (sigh)
EDDIE: This is an old friend, y'know, it's just not a Crank call!
PATTY: Oh, I know, but I'm busy guessing.
EDDIE: Who could it be?
PATTY: Who could it be? Uh, who could it be calling this late? Heh.
EDDIE: Right right. Who could it be, as crazy as it seems?
PATTY: Heh heh. If I knew who it was, it probably wouldn't be crazy.
EDDIE: That's right. That's why you should consider yourself fortunate, because I remembered you from way-back-when.
PATTY: You deeud?
EDDIE: And I just didn't call anyone.
PATTY: You said you've been calling a lot of your old friends!
EDDIE: But not many of them were guhls, y'know.
PATTY: Heh ha no, I didn't know.
EDDIE: I mean the ones I been callin they been. They been the old guys. I called one number. Yes of another guhl. She lives on your street, but she doesn't live there no more. Cause she's married.
PATTY: Jeannie?
EDDIE: No, not Jeannie. The blonde.
PATTY: Lori!
EDDIE: Lori disn't live on your street.
PATTY: On my street!
EDDIE: On your street!
PATTY: Sherry.
EDDIE: Sherrie! And of course it turned them away too.
PATTY: Did what?
EDDIE: It turned them away too, just for me to call and ask for Sherrie. Just a friendly chat.
PATTY: Did they tell you that she was married?
EDDIE: Right. And they said that she didn't live there no more. And then they kept asking who it was. And I said, well, that would spoil it, it's an old friend.
PATTY: Helen?
EDDIE: You have no idea, do ya?
PATTY: No idea.
EDDIE: Hehh.
PATTY: I really don't. Heh.
EDDIE: It will give you something to think about when you hear on the radio the term "Ethos".


Act
31
scene
1
SUE SIDE: Crisis Call Centre. Could I help you?
DAVID: Hello?
SUE: This is Crisis Call Centre. Could I help you?
DAVID: I'm not sure.
SUE: Alright.
DAVID: Who is this?
SUE: Uh, I could have someone call and talk to you if you need someone to talk with you.
DAVID: Yes, I think I'd like that.
SUE: Alright. What's your phone number? They'll call you back. Hello?
DAVID: Uh, 297.
SUE: Okay.
DAVID: 6-4.
SUE: Okay.
DAVID: 3-1.
SUE: 297-64.
DAVID: Uh huh.
SUE: 3-1.
DAVID: Uh, but I I need to uh to you.
SUE: Boot!
DAVID: Can I talk to you?
SUE: Well, I could I would I'd be glad to talk with you. But I I hafta answer as many calls as I can, y'see.
DAVID: AAAHH! AAH! Uh. I.
SUE: But listen, what's your number and I'll call you right back. I'll have someone call you.
DAVID: Ohboy!
SUE: What? What's your what's your name, sir?
DAVID: Oh boy!?
SUE: What's your name, sir?
DAVID: Ah?
SUE: Sir?
DAVID: Uh.
SUE: What's your name?
DAVID: Uh, Ghem.
SUE: Who? Huh? Who must they ask for? Jim or Henry or who?
DAVID: Uh.
SUE: What's your first name?
DAVID: Duh. D. Uh. I. I. I. David.
SUE: David?
DAVID: Yes.
SUE: Okay, we'll call you back, David.
DAVID: Oh, okay.
SUE: Okay.


Act
31
scene
2
SUE SIDE: This is Crisis Call Centre. May I help you please?
DAVID: Yes. This is David Ghem.
SUE: Well, David Ghem?
DAVID: You didn't call me!
SUE: Oh I told. I got someone. Hold on here, just a moment. Lemme see what happened. Uh did give me your number. Maybe maybe wel gut maybe you gave the wrong number or sumpin. Gimme your number again.
DAVID: Why? I.
SUE: Well, the reason I asked you to give me your number is I wanted to be sure I had the right number. Maybe that was why she didn't call you. Hold on a second. That's 297-6431? Is that the right number?
DAVID: No.
SUE: Sir?
DAVID: No.
SUE: What's your number?
DAVID: It's 297-6421.
SUE: 2-1. Maybe that's why she didn't call you. Let me call her back right quick and tell her. I'll call you right back.
DAVID: No.


Act
32
GLEN HONEA: Hhuhnn??
JOHNNY WATSON: Kay. Kay Sanford?
GLEN: No, she don't live here. Who is this?
JOHNNY: Oh, this is an old friend of hers... John Johnny Watson!
GLEN: She don't live here no more.
JOHNNY: Do you have her home phone?
GLEN: No, I don't have her hone. Thank you! Bye!
JOHNNY: Uhhh? UUAUGGH!!

MIKE: Hello?
LEROY: Hello, is Mike there?
MIKE: He heh this is Mike heh, what's goin on?
LEROY: Oh not too much. Howr you tonite?
MIKE: Alright, who is this?
LEROY: Who?
MIKE: Uh huh.
LEROY: Uh, it might be called an old friend, y'know. Were you asleep?
MIKE: Ize about to crash, yeh. Uh, what's goin on, man, who is this?
LEROY: Friendly old chap, wouldn't you say? I mean, I don't mean to bug ya, but it's just that uh friendliness has to be given out, you might say. Flourished among the land? If I've disturbed yer, I totally apologize! But I just thought maybe, maybe at the time you'd be, you'd be hip for a little conversation, y'know. Whatdya say, Mike?



Act
33
POPS: Hello?
JOHNNY WATSON: Hello, is Ann there?
POPS: Is who?
JOHNNY: Ann.
POPS: Uh, Ann? Ann Bailey?
JOHNNY: Yeh!
POPS: No, Ann's not at home.Who's calling?
JOHNNY: Uh this is an old friend of hers.
POPS: Uh huh. Who's who's an old friend?
JOHNNY: Johnny Watson.
POPS: Joanie Watson, eh?
JOHNNY: Right. I was just wondering how she was doing. Is she living there?
POPS: Uh, yes, but she's out for the weekend.
JOHNNY: Oh I see.
POPS: Uh huh.
JOHNNY: Uh.
POPS: Uh, are you in Nashville?
JOHNNY: Yeah.
POPS: Well, I'll have her call you when you get back.
JOHNNY: Great, I'll appreciate it, sir.
POPS: What's your number?
JOHNNY: My number?
POPS: Yeh.
JOHNNY: It's 859-
POPS: Awright.
JOHNNY: 0925.
POPS: Okay.
JOHNNY: I really appreciate it, sir.
POPS: Uhh.


Act
34
MOM: Hello?
LEROY: Hello, is Don there?
MOM: No, he isn't. Don?
LEROY: Yes. Done. When do you expect him, please?
MOM: Yes, Don's here. Dyou wanna speak with him?
LEROY: Sure.
DON: Hello?
LEROY: Hello, is this Don?
DON: Yeh.
LEROY: I've been trying to reach you all week-end!
DON: Who is this?
LEROY: This is Leroy. Do you remember? Hello, Don?
DON: (peeved) What????
LEROY: You weren't busy, were you?
DON: Yeh, I was eating. Whatdyou want??
LEROY: I've been trying to reach you in...
GGIB: Hello, who is this?
DON: Hello?
GGIB: This is this is the FBI.
LEROY: Hhnn Nnuhn.
GGIB: We've been we've beentrying to get this man for a long time now. We have his number and uh we''ll get him to stop bothering you.
DON: Yeah, okay.
GGIB: Calling calling your number all the time. So uh.
LEROY: But Don! Tell them the truth!!!!
GGIB: We don't care anymore!





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